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Thread: The Daily Groan (A thread to ease your pain) - The 3rd!

  1. #481
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    "I'm inclined to say that people might be zoophiles when being attracted to a furry."

    I would agree with this as a good way to put it. Someone with such an attraction *might be* a zoophile, but isn't *necessarily* one.

    "Also, do zoophiles need to have sex with an animal in order to be called this?"

    Someone can be a zoophile or pedophile without actually harming real living creatures. The problem with such labels is that they generate hostility towards the person who has the paraphilia, whether or not that person has actually broken the law. For this reason, pedophiles who actually try to reach out for help before they do something bad are often immediately branded as monsters and given a stone wall from the mental health field.

    For this reason, I think we need to actively push against the idea of people who are attracted to metahumans being labeled as zoophiles: it gives off the sense that they will harm actual animals (almost never true), and it justifies a lynch mob against them. I must have seen it a thousand times by now, when someone is asked why they hate furries: "because they fuck animals". This is almost entirely incorrect (there have been a few furries who were found out to be doing this; they were immediately reported to police and 'kicked out' of the fandom), and it comes from a place of not really respecting the difference between animals and metahumans.

    The problem in this instance, is that a bit of misinformation has led to people feeling like hate against a group of people in justified. If we are willing to call those attracted to metahumans and anthros "zoophiles", then I think that we contribute to that misinformation and are complacent in any violence that occurs from it (such as the chlorine gas attack on a furry convention a few years ago).

    "Other than that, I for one, am fond of muzzle and paws, a beautiful pair of eyes and other facial features in a wolf. "

    One thing that I think is often missed in this discussion is the difference between sexual attraction and aesthetic attraction. In other words, it is possible to find an athletic man's body appealing without necessarily finding it sexual. This is especially true for someone like me, who dabbles in art.
    Last edited by Natsilani; April 27th, 2018 at 04:56 PM.
    "Of course it's in your head, Harry. Why should that mean it's not real?" -Albus Dumbledore

  2. #482
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    I'm so glad you get my point, Nat.

    That's true. People who have a specific paraphilia are often looked down upon or shunned or worse; they should also have the right to exist, because they can't be blamed for who they are. I don't think they are all happy with being a zoophile or pedophile, because of the prejudices there are against them. I'm sure there are pedophiles, or paraphiliacs for short, in my neighbourhood, but since I don't know their names or where they live (those people certainly won't exclaim it from the rooftops), I don't care about what their intentions are or will be.
    They are people like everybody else, but there's the law, and according to that law, one just can't fuck animals or children.
    I agree that fucking other creatures against their will is wrong, especially when it comes to those who can't stand up for themselves, who are mute in a way.
    I think that in general, one can safely identify as a paraphiliac, but that doesn't mean this person can put his/her fantasies into practice.

    Also, even if I knew their names, I wouldn't start a witch hunt against them to track them down because of this, to me they are exotic, but they aren't offenders, and so I'd consider them as regular Joes. Who knows, I probably have already met one during my short lifespan, so why would I start looking down upon them now.
    Some things you better keep to yourself, allowing us to be who we want to be, without offending anyone. We are free, but aren't free at the same time to do whatever we have in mind.

  3. #483
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    Daily groan: my mother is going into surgery for her hip. That makes me worry, and along with it, I have to deal with the dogs more often now. I think it's safe to say, if I haven't warmed up to them and it's been a year, I'm just not getting used to them.

    I just want to to find some actual coping suggestions, but nothing seems to work for me...I'm growing a deep loathing and irritation.

    Edit: I shortened everything because it's pointless.

    Edit 2: I didn't think I'd have another daily groan so soon in the same day. My family got together and began to tell me that 'we love you, but'....basically everything I do is in one way selfish or either I'm oblivious or is a matter of respect and......it's all true. I have problems. I want to believe that I can be better and less combative and respect more but some things don't come natural to me or I get absorbed in something else and I just..with family I'm so defensive with some things they say hurt me but are my reactions worse than what they say? Probably yes. Which is why I'm starting to hate who I am. I'm selfish and oblivious- AD(h)D related or not. I'm ungrateful, and when I am grateful I guess they want me to show it in a way that doesn't come automatically to me. I give hugs and such..maybe that's not it.

    Selfish, ungrateful, stupid- these are the words I say to myself. I was hoping the ativan I took would calm me down a little. I'm not supposed to take a lot because it has the chance to sedate me too much on somewhat higher doses than 3mg. Well I guess out of my selfishness I decided to take 8mg. 8 more for those who want to see better in me that I cannot seem to provide. I might be okay. But if I don't respond in a while I'm either really busy or...in the hospital.

    This probably isn't the best place to write this. I like kinmunity's rant thread a little much so I'll be there. Either way I love you all- this community has been nothing but great to me. I'm sure that I will see you again relatively soon after today- but I'm just throwing it out there.
    Last edited by Vintage; May 14th, 2018 at 11:20 AM.
    Timber wolf therian-- changeling-- horse hearted/therian
    ~Being kin is a journey of finding yourself, loosing yourself, searching and doing it all over again.~

  4. #484
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    My friends are not supportive of therians at all... If someone ever mentions the word "otherkin" or "therian" around them, they all go into an angry rant. I can't really do much about it, I have to join into those conversations otherwise they will think something is up... Honestly, I'm getting tired of having to hide this part of me as if it's something to be ashamed of.

  5. #485
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vintage View Post
    Daily groan: my mother is going into surgery for her hip. That makes me worry, and along with it, I have to deal with the dogs more often now. I think it's safe to say, if I haven't warmed up to them and it's been a year, I'm just not getting used to them.

    I just want to to find some actual coping suggestions, but nothing seems to work for me...I'm growing a deep loathing and irritation.

    Edit: I shortened everything because it's pointless.

    Edit 2: I didn't think I'd have another daily groan so soon in the same day. My family got together and began to tell me that 'we love you, but'....basically everything I do is in one way selfish or either I'm oblivious or is a matter of respect and......it's all true. I have problems. I want to believe that I can be better and less combative and respect more but some things don't come natural to me or I get absorbed in something else and I just..with family I'm so defensive with some things they say hurt me but are my reactions worse than what they say? Probably yes. Which is why I'm starting to hate who I am. I'm selfish and oblivious- AD(h)D related or not. I'm ungrateful, and when I am grateful I guess they want me to show it in a way that doesn't come automatically to me. I give hugs and such..maybe that's not it.

    Selfish, ungrateful, stupid- these are the words I say to myself. I was hoping the ativan I took would calm me down a little. I'm not supposed to take a lot because it has the chance to sedate me too much on somewhat higher doses than 3mg. Well I guess out of my selfishness I decided to take 8mg. 8 more for those who want to see better in me that I cannot seem to provide. I might be okay. But if I don't respond in a while I'm either really busy or...in the hospital.

    This probably isn't the best place to write this. I like kinmunity's rant thread a little much so I'll be there. Either way I love you all- this community has been nothing but great to me. I'm sure that I will see you again relatively soon after today- but I'm just throwing it out there.
    It's alright, Vintage. I don't think you caused any alarm by writing out your frustrations, but it is alarming that you took such high a dosage.
    I've been there myself, so I understand what it's like, but obviously, it isn't the best solution. It never is.
    When I am a mess, I also mess with my meds, does it make me selfish? I don't know. It isn't smart, but when you are in survival mode, you do everything it takes to make your frustrations, sadness, depression go away. It is understandable.
    Unfortunately, I cannot tell you how to make the relationship with your dogs any better, because this issue seems to be a very specific one and therefore very difficult to understand. If I would be there with you, I could probably give you some advice, because that's when I'm part of the situation. But for outsiders, like me in this case, it is very difficult to grasp, to foresee what's going on.
    I know this isn't helping much probably, but the more we know about this issue, the better we can try to help you out.
    I'd say you may want to try and avoid contact with your dogs, but I know that's not going to work.
    While I know you do love them, you cannot ignore the thought that you might get upset over their behaviour. And that's when it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. It's easier said than done, but try not to hang on to that thought, and let it go instead. There's a start.
    In any case, you're not being selfish, you just need help with this particular problem, and it makes you helpless. That's a normal reaction. Everyone is like that when they're under stress.
    Take care, hun.
    Please keep us up to date!

  6. #486
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    Quote Originally Posted by tranquilwolf View Post
    My friends are not supportive of therians at all... If someone ever mentions the word "otherkin" or "therian" around them, they all go into an angry rant. I can't really do much about it, I have to join into those conversations otherwise they will think something is up... Honestly, I'm getting tired of having to hide this part of me as if it's something to be ashamed of.
    Are your friends furry? And why aren't they supportive of therians?

    Forever Running, RunningRed

  7. #487

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    this is so insignificant but

    GAAAAAAAADDDDDD I ATE TOO MANY HOT CHIPS AND MY MOUTH IS ON FIRE

  8. #488
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    No, none of my friends are furries as far as I'm aware, and they don't like otherkin/therians because they think therians are delusional and mentally ill...

  9. #489
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    All the boring parts of Maryland.
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    Quote Originally Posted by tranquilwolf View Post
    My friends are not supportive of therians at all... If someone ever mentions the word "otherkin" or "therian" around them, they all go into an angry rant. I can't really do much about it, I have to join into those conversations otherwise they will think something is up... Honestly, I'm getting tired of having to hide this part of me as if it's something to be ashamed of.
    That is a damn shame you started such a theme in your external character. I hate to give a shouldacouldawoulda, (for those who do not know what that is, toss me a transmission on visitor section) but you should have put forth something that left you in a more neutral stance than a flat out anti-therian agreement. A little soft power that does not confirm your therianthropy will make them better disposed. I will use my relationship with one of my guildmates as an example: he makes otherkin jokes now and then, to which I reply "It's all fun and games until you know someone." which implies I know someone who is otherkin without confirming I am. If someone makes that connection, it is easy to step back from by clarifying you meant that you KNOW someone, not that you are one. For me it is not a lie, because not only do I know myself, but I know other therians, and at least one is a member of our outfit. So without saying any names, I gently rehumanize the people being insulted and have an effective defense if they think I am one. Sadly, you may have ruined your chance to do so, as your friends will take note of the extreme change in how you feel about things. If someone truly hates someone, suddenly not hating them is a contrast someone will notice. The best thing you can do now is tone down the taunts and lessen the blow on those receiving the bullshit without making a noticeable lean to the center of the issue.

    Speaking of anti-kin views, that fact makes for a good personal groan. One of my newer guildies told me some sad tales of friends who died giving themselves to the dark side of the therian spectrum, as I call it: the people who decide eating rotten meat is safe. It saddens me that his experience's negativity made him prone to similar passive-aggressive disdain I am familiar with from my family, if not slightly more remorsefully aggressive. Once upon a time, I was about to tell him about what I am, and I am happy I backed out now, but it is a bittersweet happy...yet another reason to hide. For the sake of clarity, do not mistake my sadness at that dark side for hatred towards them. I do not, nor will I ever, hate them, I just wish they could safely balance the duality of their lives. Not like that is easy or anything. Some people have it easier than others in that sense.
    "Nature forsaken...once admired by us all. Does it know we're scared...to move...to wake...scared to be...who we were?" -Eluveitie. "Home"

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