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Thread: how I feel within the community

  1. #1
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    Default how I feel within the community

    For a while now Iíve tried to talk to older therians (Currently 21 right now) and just relate, and honestly I can have that perfect connection with certain individuals however, Iíve noticed I get kind of irritation fueled anxiety from just interacting with older members on forums because I almost get this monotone vibe when they explain stuff. Itís not the ďHappy to see youĒ kind of explaining itís the ďIím going to explain this to you like a book and doubt every single thing you tell me.Ē Kind of explaining. Iíve always tried to stray away from becoming like that. I could almost describe joining my first therian forum experience like that of a new inmate entering a prison and having these older inmates gaze at you and make you slink into your shell. I donít know why I feel like this but itís just one thing Iíve noticed personally.
    Your Regards..
    ~The Misanthropic Coastal Wolf~

  2. #2
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    You're not the only one, infact it's been a recurring problem in the community for years. I'm quite new on the scene (3 yearsish) and thankfully I'm on time to see grilling slowly going out of fashion. It was awful a decade ago. I advise you avoid otherkin/therian groups on facebook, those are snobbery hell.
    As an aside, you say you want to avoid becoming that? You should probably be more sympathetic on some of the more embarrassing and personal topics. You have been a little harsh, and sound like those old fuddy duddies you don't like.
    Last edited by Lopori; December 20th, 2017 at 07:07 AM.

  3. #3
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    *looks around and blinks slowly* Are you saying I'm an old fuddy duddy? :P Being an older member of the community at the ancient age of 35, I'm not sure I've seen what you're referring to. I've seen the community go from the harsh grilling phase to accepting everything under the sun and back again. To now where we're at currently which is polite, if intense, questioning and explaining.

    And while I do see older members explaining things to younger or new members, I think if you're experiencing this almost condescending tone it's really just that us older members have explained this stuff, ad nauseam, for years to younger members. So sometimes, we get a little tired of always having to repeat ourselves. That and, if someone puts in a tiny amount of effort, they can often find what they're asking about themselves. Besides that, in a lot of cases, these new or young members come to forums, with older and more experienced people, and think or act as if they know everything. They ask for help and then when it's offered, reject it or tell the helpful people they know better. For an older member, that's frustrating and also rude.

    To be fair, as an older member, I see younger members looking for handout answers and not willing or wanting to put in the effort themselves too. So really, there's a need from both age groups to be patient and to try to be understanding and helpful.

    "That's wolves for ya', good guys!" -Wolf, t10k
    wolf/werewolf | 36 | female | writer | scuba diver | funny | chaotic good | Hufflepuff | eclectic witch

  4. #4
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    What Elinox said. I guess you can count me as well as an old fuddy duddy at the ripe old age of 31 (32 in a month). If you look at the otherkin tag on Tumblr alone you'll see why a lot of us get very eye roll-y.

  5. #5

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    Elinox your signature is gorgeous

    ...just wanted to say that, moving on now

  6. #6

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    Hey, I'm 36 and I don't feel or look old. People always say that I like 27. I been on werelist during the 90s when Coyote was in charge of this place as that makes me even older then one on here and I have been on and off the community for years now. That was because of growing up and school and not having a great understanding of the internet and also that I was young and wanted to spend most of my time outdoors and doing stuff. Looking back on old werelist during my childhood and what I missed out. Looking back on it now, I think I should have stayed on werelist. Despite my age and growing up during those times, I think I should have stayed and learned a little bit more about being a were ( Using an old term) at that time but I would like to thank an old were for helping a young wolf pup out at that time. I would like to thank Coyote and Shadowrunner. Thank you teachers. Even though Coyote Osborne will not remember me and Shadow doesn't go on forums.
    Last edited by hotdogwolf; December 21st, 2017 at 09:39 AM.

  7. #7
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    Thatís very understandable. I once saw someone who was 15 explained to me that Therianthorpy is based of Native American beliefs and honestly that would leave a bad taste in anyoneís mouth or leave them skeptical of others. I just love being able to incorporate relatiable and a goofy atmosphere whenever I explain things because it makes the convo seem more fun. I mean thatís even how I learned better in high school. Compared to the strict and pompous teacher and the fun and relatable teacher, I learned more from the fun teacher than the strict one.

  8. #8
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    See, that is the nature of the mature sections of the community because of the stigma we suffer. Think Motown and how they made their acts super clean-cut to ensure they did not facilitate the harshly negative feelings the masses had towards black music during it's infancy. Places like Werelist and Therian Nation are big on that for the same reason, but also (I imagine) to make it not embarrassing to newcomers who just want to be honest with themselves without a voice in their head telling them how weird this is.

    Case in point, when I showed my confidant Therian Nation, this was his response: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X21R6tpeaJs

    As I said to him, it is meant to be so direct and monotone because if therians showed any human character, (irony alert!) they are often burned at the stake by the usual witchhunters, or sometimes more closed-minded therians, for having personality subject to scrutiny, no matter how petty (people will find a reason if they hate what you are). A good example of this comes to mind: https://youtu.be/530q4-oxL58?t=1m53s

    In short, we may be too obscure at this point in time to be able to step outside of the straightedge even among ourselves lest Big Brother Google run to Trump saying we are fucking animals over here.

    On the pseudo-related side of things, you made me cackle with the "old fuddy duddy" thing, Elinox. You have the thanks of this broken, frostbitten soul. Also, make sure to channel your inner educator when explaining things. I used to be known for patience with people, and if you can find any, pounce on the damn thing so it does not escape you, because people skills require patience in quantities the likes of which would make the greatest logistics man shit himself, quit and drink himself into a coma. And do not forget that nothing is common knowledge and even if there was, tentative therians would be scared to tie their shoes if the lases had anything to do with therianthropy.
    "Nature forsaken...once admired by us all. Does it know we're scared...to move...to wake...scared to be...who we were?" -Eluveitie. "Home"

  9. #9

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    Oh Geez, let me tell you a story youngin!...(LOL!!)

    I've definitely been one of those "old fuddy duddy" monotone, "from the book" kind of Were/Therians, but I didn't start out that way. It was something that happened gradually over time and many years of being a part of the online therian community. Contrary to what my "join date" says, I was a member of Werelist way before the forum crashed, so I've been around long enough to notice the ebbs and flow of the community over the years, similar to what Elinox explained.

    Anyway, the pinnacle of the "fuddy duddy" for me happened when I became Help Staff here on Werelist a few years ago. When you volunteer to take on that kind of responsibility, it's like you have to go into "serious mode" at times and very often. I've definitely partaken in my fair share of grilling others, and sometimes when I happen to read some of my old posts I physically/mentally cringe at what I said, (lol). I'm sure I could have said some things with a lighter tone but when you're dealing with some really troubled users, you kinda have to be very direct on what's okay and what's not okay to do here on Werelist. But that's all behind me now and I'm back again with much more relaxed tone than before (I hope, LOL!). Old habits can be hard to break ya know? :P

    I've definitely been on the receiving end of said grilling, back when I first joined the Awereness Forums (long since been defunct) so I got plenty of the monotone, by-the-book stuff from members to point it was so intimidating I didn't participate in a therian forum for a couple years or more...I read plenty of articles/websites though but the grilling left a pretty bad taste in my mouth. It was really hard for me to communicate with words exactly what and how I was feeling so I kinda gave up and took a break until I could get my words straight. I try to keep that in mind when I see new, and especially younger, members join. You have to be patient but at the same time not let people get carried away to the point where they change definitions of words to suit what they want to believe, lol. You can't call an Apple an Orange but it's still a fruit but with a different flavor. One isn't better than the other, it just is and that's where the "by the book" stuff comes into play when older members explain stuff to newer ones.
    Last edited by Somnia; December 27th, 2017 at 09:47 PM.

  10. #10
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    One thing to note from my own experiences, grilling is very different than outright rudeness or calling bullshit on someone. I experienced the later, not so much the former. Grilling is meant to actually help someone new, it just tends to come off as harsh and brutally honest. However, several people over the years have called me on bullshit and were rude and even nasty about it which, as Somnia said, left a bad taste in my mouth so I then avoided those places and those specific people. Those experiences have left me cautious today and still distrustful of those few who were, in my mind, mean to me.

    "That's wolves for ya', good guys!" -Wolf, t10k
    wolf/werewolf | 36 | female | writer | scuba diver | funny | chaotic good | Hufflepuff | eclectic witch

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