What the f*%# am I doing?

So you think you're done with something. You move on, make a good life for yourself. You think you're happy. Then, then it all comes back in a rush of elation, fears, tears and holy shit does it feel good and right and whaaaat?!

I thought therianthropy was a phase I went through. I thought I drank the potion of adulthood and away all that magic faded. Boy was I wrong....here I am again and I'm just trying to figure out what to do with myself.

  1. Wrongness

    by , September 17th, 2016 at 02:23 PM (What the f*%# am I doing?)
    It's been a rough five days. There has just been a really strong discordance between how I feel my body and how it actually is - a wrongness. Beyond phantom shifts and the usual sensations, I have been having a lot of frustration about my senses and my voice. They just don't work the way I expect them to. It's just been very emotional these past few days, I feel like I'm hormonal or something (or just a moody moonie) because it makes me weepy sometimes to find that my sense of smell is so dull and ...
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  2. Holy crap I'm old...or...When I got naked on the top of a mountain.

    by , August 4th, 2016 at 02:06 PM (What the f*%# am I doing?)
    I'm in an odd mix of a life at the moment. My birthday came and went, 37...holy crap! 37. That's pretty damn close to 40 and I REALLY don't feel close to 40. Maybe that's what all 40-year-olds say. So I've kind of had some moments of quiet panic followed by waves of gratitude that I'm doing pretty good at this point in my life. The fact that I'm on a therian forum posting this just makes me laugh too - life is so fucking strange!

    In the midst of me pondering my mortality, my poor ...
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  3. Heart of a lion

    by , July 21st, 2016 at 02:53 AM (What the f*%# am I doing?)
    Back in June, when I reawakened, my guide told me that I have the soul of a wolf, heart of a lion, and mind of a man. I've been thinking about the 'heart of a lion' bit the past couple days because I'm trying to figure out how to fit all my bits back together after this shakeup.

    I've never really identified as a lion. I love lions (I'm a typical egotastic Leo) and I love the symbolism of lions in the western mystery traditions and alchemy, but I've never felt like one the way that ...
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  4. "Because happiness is easy" (as a mushroom once told me)

    by , July 14th, 2016 at 01:45 PM (What the f*%# am I doing?)
    The sun is out and it might get to a temperature where I could agree it's summer (PNW problems), so as soon as I'm done grading these exams I'm running out into the woods and down to the lake to get wet. Life is good.

    Also...talked with my husband a bit and as expected he is very supportive. In fact, he actually said that he wished it had happened earlier (there was a little bit of told you so). He can see a difference in me, a settling that makes our interactions smoother and an ...
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  5. Fangs...

    by , July 10th, 2016 at 04:46 PM (What the f*%# am I doing?)
    I wear them. And....they feel really good. I kind of feel like its similar to when a transexual finally gets to wear the clothes they want or has reassignment surgery, maybe. I'm not transexual so I don't really know. All I know is that there is a sense of relief and rightness about it when I feel them in my mouth. I've even thought about getting real veneers done, but the whole professional life would probably not approve unless they were subtle. I'm so jealous of people that have good natural ...
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