Descent into madness

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Again, I woke up in shadows. Everyday I woke up in darkness. I know I always have a light to spark through the darkness in order to get out. But, sometimes, it is like to live in madness.

Sometimes I think I'm descending into madness but I realize this descent was made a long time before. Sometimes I think I've already ascent, or perhaps not, I'm still there, into the madness. I think my childhood was the start of this descent, even those moments when I started to discovery all those different things about me. Those lack of understand about myself leads me to go further and further, until I felt I'm not in reality anymore. Year after year I think there is no way to get back and I went further. But when I'm there, into the darkness of madness I cannot know if I was getting out or going further. Even if I lit every source of light to help me see the way, I couldn't differentiate where is the way to go out. The only thing I could do is trust.

Now I think I'm not there, into that dark place. I know I can be on a dark spot of life, but it is brighter than before. Sometimes I feel I'm trapped on that old nihilistic thought from the father of the nihilism: I'm gazing that abyss of madness again and that abyss is there, gazing me back. So, sometimes I feel it's too easy to come back again to that place, and maybe it will not be so easy to get out.

The only thing is to get rid from this darkness, even knowing it is lurking out there, spreading on everywhere.
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  1. Charliepaw's Avatar
    Very deep and relatable to me. Just keep that light in mind and I'm sure you'll continue to find strength to keep distant from the shadows.
  2. DarkFox's Avatar
    Thanks, you too!
  3. AziMWolf's Avatar
    I understand this feeling. In 1998 when I first awoke and started to realize what I MIGHT be, a werewolf. That led to much inner darkness. Feeling that my soul was a vicious killing animal who's sole purpose was to kill, mame, and destroy.