What the f*%# am I doing?


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It's been a rough five days. There has just been a really strong discordance between how I feel my body and how it actually is - a wrongness. Beyond phantom shifts and the usual sensations, I have been having a lot of frustration about my senses and my voice. They just don't work the way I expect them to. It's just been very emotional these past few days, I feel like I'm hormonal or something (or just a moody moonie) because it makes me weepy sometimes to find that my sense of smell is so dull and that I can't point my ears where I want to listen. It's like one of those dreams where you are trying to run, but you just can't get your legs to move fast enough. There's a richness to the world that I know I'm missing, but I can't do anything about it.

I'm not sure why it got so strong this past week. Maybe its the change of seasons, maybe its because I've had time off so I'm less distracted by mundane things. I don't like to be all weird about the moon, but I do recognize that it has an effect on me - usually I'm really happy, sometimes I'm melancholy, but I can count on my moods being strong when the moon is full.

Still, I have to remember the good things about being human. Being able to make words is pretty amazing. And hands! Hands are incredible. Humans aren't the only 'makers' in the world, but it truly is their gift. Being able to make things, to create new things, is such a miraculous thing. I feel like humans just need to realize the magnitude of this ability, maybe then they would understand how important it is to make things beautiful...with such a gift, why would you make things that are not?
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  1. Kerguelen's Avatar
    Kind of how I feel about movement. Dammit, can't fly. Dammit, I suck at swimming. Dammit, can't swallow that. Dammit, neck won't bend that way. Dammit dammit dammit

    The moon was HUGE over here. Pictures didn't do it justice. I like the moon too.
    Words...I have mixed feelings about words. They're useful, but I can't say I like them that much. They're weird to use (regardless of language. all words are human words.) That said, I'd be a hypocrite to say much more about it using...words.
  2. Witchdoctor's Avatar
    lol...words are tricky aren't they! I'm not known for speaking a lot of words, and I know so much can be conveyed without them. I'm quite sure most animals don't think in terms of words, that would be very strange indeed.

    What I love about words is that they transcend time and space. I can write words now and they can have an emotional/intellectual effect on someone across the world and hundreds or thousands of years into the future. I can say a word and it will conjure up images in someone if they know the word. I know smells can do somewhat of the same, but I'm not sure they have quite the staying power that words can. Words just have a magic that I think is pretty darn cool.

    I was up by Mt. Baker and the moon was absolutely stunning...I tried a picture too...if I could just figure out how to put it here...
    Updated September 21st, 2016 at 01:30 PM by Witchdoctor