Integral

Whining as Usual

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I also posted this on tumblr, but it should go here too.

As far as dog nonsense goes, it’s still here off and on. Right now it’s on, and I’m kind of annoyed with myself. Feeling “dog-ish” makes me feel like I’m not grounded in reality. It makes me feel like I have my head up my ass even more than I usually do. I start thinking about stupid shit like how I’m not physically a dog and wanting to turn into a dog. It’s not good.

I have all of no ideas about what to do about it. I’m not sure what brings it on, so I don’t know how to turn it off either. Ignoring it doesn’t seem to work, or I don’t ignore it well enough. Either way, the dog nonsense is in my way. I guess, I’m kind of in my own way, considering that the dog stuff is part of my identity.

I’m almost entertaining the idea that trying to ignore and compartmentalize the dog stuff is what’s making it an issue, but I feel like embracing my “inner canine” would make the issues I have with it worse. If anything, it would make me more unfocused and more uncomfortable with myself.

I remember being way too caught up in therian stuff in middle school, and my mental/ emotional health and social life suffered for it.

Nothing out of the ordinary for me though, I’ve been arguing with the dog stuff for years now.

Updated May 25th, 2017 at 12:21 AM by Integral

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Comments

  1. Lupus Paws's Avatar
    I'm sorry you're feeling like that, Integral. If you don't mind me asking, why does it make you feel like you've got your head up your ass, and that you're not grounded in reality?
  2. Integral's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by lupusfur
    I'm sorry you're feeling like that, Integral. If you don't mind me asking, why does it make you feel like you've got your head up your ass, and that you're not grounded in reality?
    It makes me feel like I'm not paying attention to the things and people around me, like I'm only thinking about how I feel "canine" and how I'm not physically a dog, and stuff that I'm supposed to be paying attention to sort of falls by the wayside. That feeds into the feeling that I'm not grounded in reality. In not paying attention to anything, I end up feeling like I'm stuck in some kind of fantasy, mainly because I have a lot of doubt about my own experiences and therianthropy in general.
  3. AziMWolf's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Integral
    I start thinking about stupid shit like how I’m not physically a dog and wanting to turn into a dog. It’s not good.
    Sounds like Species Dysphoria to me.

    I feel this way very often. Wanting to be a physical wolf so bad I am in tears because of the facts before me.
  4. micheal65536's Avatar
    Yes, probably species dysphoria. Try to find other ways to embrace and relieve your canine side. Whether that's altering your appearance (which you suggested somewhere else) or setting aside time to shift freely, or whatever else works for you.
  5. Lupus Paws's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Integral
    It makes me feel like I'm not paying attention to the things and people around me, like I'm only thinking about how I feel "canine" and how I'm not physically a dog, and stuff that I'm supposed to be paying attention to sort of falls by the wayside. That feeds into the feeling that I'm not grounded in reality. In not paying attention to anything, I end up feeling like I'm stuck in some kind of fantasy, mainly because I have a lot of doubt about my own experiences and therianthropy in general.
    I can see where you're coming from, and I empathise, even if my experience is slightly different.

    I have a hell of a lot of doubt about therianthropy, too, and sometimes it just feels like I'm being unrealistic and using it as a crutch. However, even in good times (like now), I still have a mindset of a therian, so I doubt it's developed as a defence mechanism or anything similar. Instead, it's developed due to the fact that I genuinely do feel 'wolfish', at least psychologically, and perhaps spiritually.

    From what you've said, do you perhaps feel that the issue is less about your therianthropy, and more about your ability to develop a healthy acceptance of it, so that it doesn't interfere with other areas of your life?

    I also agree with AziMWolf, in that it might be worth looking into species dysmorphia.

    Regardless, I hope you feel better.
  6. Integral's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by AziMWolf
    Sounds like Species Dysphoria to me.

    I feel this way very often. Wanting to be a physical wolf so bad I am in tears because of the facts before me.
    It might be, but it's the distraction that comes with it all that really bugs me. Thinking about not having paws, fangs, etc. takes up a lot of thought real-estate.
  7. Integral's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by lupusfur
    I can see where you're coming from, and I empathise, even if my experience is slightly different.

    I have a hell of a lot of doubt about therianthropy, too, and sometimes it just feels like I'm being unrealistic and using it as a crutch. However, even in good times (like now), I still have a mindset of a therian, so I doubt it's developed as a defense mechanism or anything similar. Instead, it's developed due to the fact that I genuinely do feel 'wolfish', at least psychologically, and perhaps spiritually.

    From what you've said, do you perhaps feel that the issue is less about your therianthropy, and more about your ability to develop a healthy acceptance of it, so that it doesn't interfere with other areas of your life?

    I also agree with AziMWolf, in that it might be worth looking into species dysmorphia.

    Regardless, I hope you feel better.
    Thank you. I have been thinking about trying to just accept theriantrhopy as part of my experience/ personality, but doubt is a pretty big roadblock. I also worry that it might not help, and I might end up just thinking about it all the time, which isn't healthy. I'm kind of at a loss for what to do, but accepting it might be worth a try.
  8. Allenfox's Avatar
    I believe the simple answer is to learn how to relax.

    For the first 3 years I was Extremely obsessed with trying to obtain Fox form and I often stayed up till 4AM chatting online with so called "Teachers" who ironically most were around 14 year olds.

    On a few occasions I met someone legit and those were normally at least 18 or so, some in 40s even.
    And one in 50s or 60s. (Yeah Found them through "WereCards", not sure if their email still works at this point)


    I had Quite a great journey over the past ~6 years and What I was told over and over again was that:
    (We really do not know how shifting works, but we are certain it has to do with getting high enough of energy levels and using this energy for the process)

    Various methods of visualization, meditation, rituals, mental flaring, and all to many other ideas have been tried.

    But I still do not know of one that has worked for me, nor have I got conclusive proof of a shift because the photos I did get to see could have been Photo-shopped. (And many were)

    So Here I am at age 24 on a site where I can discuss my past and others past as well as strong personal viewpoints in a fairly formal manner.

    Perhaps someday I will be identified as a "Grey Muzzle" much like many from the old Alt.horror.werewolves site are called.

    OF course I feel awfully old already because Foxes in captivity at max are known to live 20 years and I am 24 years old.

    This is pretty much why I feel Kitsune, because many things including lifespan do not match up with normal Feral Fox.

    Oh and I was talking about Relaxing, I find many of the songs on this webpage rather relaxing:
    https://soundcloud.com/tylersdavies/tracks

    Learned about it from a members profile on Furry affinity. (No I have not Joined Furry Affinity, but it certainly has some content I like on it)