Werewolf diaries

I am mainly thinking about how depression runs my life nowadays, having no emotion except for when I react to someone else. My therian thought is to go out hunting for prey, thankfully my anti-psychotics control that side of me, what with me being a psychopath and all, heh. Sometimes I wonder on if I have lycanthropy, even though I don't have delusions of changing into a wolf or anything, I feel bad for those who do. I just wish I was freed from this depression and this bottled up rage, being mistreated a lot in your life can do that. People don't want to hear on me with my victimized behavior, they tell me to move on and a lot of the time, I feel like I can't seem to. I am just scared to actually open up to anyone, what with a lot of people thinking that they can ruin my life emotionally (which I solved that problem by turning off my emotions). I mean, they are welcome to try to mess with me, but since they were dumb enough to tell me their plans like any good "villain", I simply turned on the "Do not give a shit" switch. I mean seriously, who the fuck do people think they are to want to ruin someone else's life by claiming that they were planning to get close to me only to crush me? How stupid is that, really? I fucking hate some people who do that.

Nowadays I just don't care, the more someone tries to push my buttons, the more I push back with my "meh" attitude.

God, I have so much hatred in my head right now, so much darkness that I would love to expunge right now, but doing so would cause the death of another. So hence, I gotta keep it sealed and away.

Maybe I am not like a psychopath after all, but a sociopath? I never react to stuff calmly unless I have a certain plan in mind, then my no-bullshitter meter goes off, heh. I also don't apparently have an amiable personality but more of a wooden one. I never believe I have the necessary tools to hold onto somebody unless I have a great purpose in mind for them, and then I discard them later on.

Yes, these thoughts of manipulating other people against their will tends to stick with me and oh my God am I angry! Bah, not like anyone cares. Nobody ever truly cares anyway, they say they care but when you reach out to them to have them come visit? Nope, nada. I mean it was nice meeting my Pen Pal back in, I think, May? Or was it June? I think it was May and I am so fucking terrible at getting back with her! I don't know why I put it off, I guess it's because I am afraid that kind of thing of me meeting up with her has turned her off on contacting me again, it was nice of her to do that drawing of me and my mate though. I really love it when I get good artwork, I wonder if she wouldn't mind me using it as my avatar? Unfortunately, I don't have horns on my head but oh well, it's good. The lupogriff that she did was beautiful, my mate enjoyed on seeing it. I just wish I was a nicer person, I got so much frustration right now at my life. I mean, I am graduating this December but I want to finish my other degree and I would hate to tell someone: "Oh hey, I graduated again!" because then that might degrade the first time people sent out cards for me.

Talking on here, with my filter off seems nice. I don't care on if people use it against me or anything considering I would find them pathetically amusing to go here, much like when people look at my profile on Facebook and think they can use it against me, lol. Seriously, child's stuff right there.

I always wonder why people think they can threaten me. I was threatened on a forum, especially with a ban that someone can do with a flick of a switch on my account but they didn't do it for some odd reason. Maybe they recognized in my apparent lack of caring that I was hurting on the inside and that they were tempted later on to figure out on what was wrong? It was so weird, I really didn't care if I got banned. I even told this person as much but they kept prodding at me to try to figure out what the problem was. I admire the guy for doing that, I remember him vividly but I won't mention him here. I just wish I had better people skills. This kind of shit got me kicked out of a guild repeatedly on World of Warcraft because I was really upset that one of the people in it had put me on ignore because I thought it was a bad idea to give your patients cocaine during a therapy session, but then again, what do I know? I don't know how the human mind works and emotions still elude me, I once played with someone's emotions and made them break under my best friend who I manipulated to do the dirty deed. She was going after a guy I liked, now she's probably in the nuthouse.

Anyways, just some stuff that's on my mind, I doubt anyone really reads this anyway which makes me feel like I can open up on here. But it'd be nice if someone did, just to have a greater picture of me even though I come off as a total bitch. Anyways, hope you all have a good day. I'll probably write another entry in the future and I just posted this because I find it funny for those who try to attack me. They cannot, mainly because I like doing flame-bait when it comes to that, twisting peoples words around like with that one user. I had a lot of fun with them on here, I wonder what happened to them? I was kind of hoping they would continue with their strawmans and the like, but oh well.